The next meeting will be held at Sisko's in Taylor on Tuesday, February 22th. Sisko's is located on Monroe (between Telegraph and Southfield), just south of Vanborn. Their address is 5855 Monroe and their phone number is 313-278-5340. Sisko's also has a website at http://www.siskos.com/. The competition for this month is Belgian Lambic Competition (AHA), BJCP Category #20 (according to the BJCP website). As usual, the thirsty hard-core who want dinner will start arriving around 5PM, and we will start our meeting around 6PM. Jim Racine has received the new tee shirts. They will be distributed to new members, and also they will be on sale for $10.00.

The winners from the Mild and Brown Ales competition (AHA) are:

This month's competition will be Belgian Lambic Competition (AHA), BJCP Category 20. The BJCP style guide entry for Lambic is at the end of the newsletter.

The monthly FORD meeting was held again at Sisko's in Taylor on January 26. The meeting began at approximately 6:30p.

Our president opened the meeting by passing out flyers for the upcoming Pub Crawl on February 26th. All members should have been notified about this event, either through the flyers or email. The club was asked to decide on a date, and Feb 26 was agreed upon.

The next board meeting and Brown Ale Competition judging is tentatively scheduled for February 8th. Please get your entries in for the competition!

Jim Racine suggested that although our little park in Taylor has been nice previously, we are looking for another location for the Beer-B-Q this fall. A number of members have requested some sort of water activity be at the new location, whether it be a pool or a lake. Any suggestions for a new place should be submitted to Jim by March 2000. Shoot an email to JMRACINE@prodigy.net

Winners were announced for January's Barley Wine Competition. 1st Place: Mike Arend. 2nd Place: Jim Racine. 3rd Place: Chris Frey. Please, everybody! Let's get some new people into the Belgian Lambic Competition in March!

Members were asked to state their preference for the T-Shirt colors. These shirts are now in and look spectacular! Colors available: white on red, light grey on dark blue, black on cream, and black on grey. The shirts have a small FORD logo over the left breast, and a large logo on the back.

Crispy passed out two very handy documents: 1) the current list of members with their brewing experience - helpful for those needing last-minute suggestions for their batch, and 2) the large guide with everything you'll need to know regarding kegging beer. Copies of either of these documents can be obtained by contacting Chris Frey (CFREY@ford.com) or myself (raistlin01@home.com).

The AHA National Convention will be held on June 22 to the 24th in Livonia and our group has been assigned a two-hour hospitality session. Members are asked to bring some food and brew and the club will reimburse for expenses. Having a chili cook-off was suggested by one of the members...

A small 50/50 raffle was held. The winner and the club each received thirty-two bucks. Marla won it, as usual. Congrats!

Annual membership dues are still due. Please get them in to Chris Frey. I will try to get membership cards done by the next meeting (Feb 22), but if anybody needs temporary cards in the meantime for your 10% discount at the participating dealers, please let me know. (raistlin01@home.com)

And finally, a TIP FROM OUR PRESIDENT: Everybody has those cute little resealable bottles with the ceramic cap and rubber washer. Al has found that it is ILLEGAL to transport these bottles in your car! They are considered an open beer, and you can get in serious trouble for it. The TIP: Seal the caps of these bottle with Scotch tape - be generous, wrap it all the way around the clip and the cap. If the officer observes this, he can tell whether or not the bottle has been opened, and you can be on your way.

Mail your payment and make check payable to:
Bob Barrett
507 Bruce St.
Ann Arbor, MI 48103
(ph. 734.662.3113).

Direct your electronic queries to: Kimberly J. Barrett -- kjbarret@umich.edu

• Fine Culinary Cuisine
• 80, to 100 Beers to select from, tastings limited to 50
• Door Prizes & complimentary tasting glass

Schoolcraft College Waterman Center
18600 Haggerty Road, Livonia, MI

(One block west of 1-275 between Six & Seven Mile Roads)

Patrons must be 21 years of age to attend this event

Tickets can be purchased at the Student Activities Office, lower Waterman Center or at Merchant's Warehouse locations. Visa, MasterCard & Discover are accepted. Make checks payable to Schoolcraft College.
To order tickets by phone call: (734) 462-44220

1. Pizza Station
• Barbecue Chicken pizza with tangy barbecue sauce and Mozzarella
• Seafood Pizza
• Chevre, Overnight tomatoes, and Marinated Artichoke Hearts Pizza
2. Quesaddillas and Nachos
   Chicken
   Vegetables
   
3. Sausages served with warm breads and a variety, of, tasty mustards
4. Oven-Roasted. Potato and Latke Station
   • Quartered and Roasted Potatoes
     Pepperade
     Cheese
     Sauteed onions
     Scallions
     Bacon bits
     
   • Latkes
     Apple sauce
     Scallions
     Sour cream
     Chili
     Black beans
     and...
   • Pasties,
     Smoked Chicken Wings,
     Mini-burritos,
     Bacon-wrapped Water Chestnuts in a Sweet Soy Sauce
     

Just received a brocure stating that Beer Camp is BACK for 2000! For those unaware, Beer Camp was an semiannual event at the Oldenberg Brewing Company if Ft. Mitchell, KY (near Cincinnati, OH) until September 1998 when they discontinued the event. It has always been reported to be of GREAT fun and includes seminars, tasting and... stuff!

The spring camp is planned for 3/24-3/26 (Hmmm. Same weekend as the MCAB) They state that there will be another September 22-24. Rates for the March event are $419 single, 369 double or 339 more than double occupancy. If interested, call 1-800-323-4917 or go to www.oldenberg.com

Fans of Rodenbach Grand Cru mounted a vocal campaign in the last two weeks to save it after reports that Rodenbach might discontinue brewing the classic Belgian red ale. Even beer drinkers who don't like Rodenbach Grand Cru -- and more don't than do -- should care just as much. There is more at stake than a single beer.

It sounds alarmist to suggest that not only a 4-star beer but eventually a treasured Belgian brewery and perhaps even a beer style might be lost. The reports are not confirmed, and right now the brewery continues to craft the beer. Generations of Americans, however, have suffered through the mainstreaming of beer. Thus when it appears others may be headed down that ugly road it's hard not to run out, arms waving, yelling, "No, no! Don't do it!"

The Palm Brewery has made changes since it took controlling interest in Rodenbach less than two years ago. Now come these reports that it has already discontinued making Rodenbach Alexander and put the Grand Cru on a one-year trial. It is also reported that Palm informed De Dolle that it would no longer receive yeast from Rodenbach. De Dolle is a small brewery and has none of the technology to repitch its yeast; without the distinctive Rodenbach yeast, it may not continue making Oerbier or Stille Nacht.

"Rodenbach has been losing share in Belgium," said Wendy Littlefield of Vanberg & Dewulf, which imports Rodenbach to the United States and has not been informed of the rumored changes. "Children are growing up with Coke, developing sweet tastes and they don't have the palate for these sour beers." Beer drinkers have always hated or loved the distinctive West Flanders sour beers. Today, it seems fewer than ever love them.

Littlefield's husband and partner, Don Feinberg, was recently in Belgium. Palm officials told him they want to concentrate on using the beer known simply as Rodenbach to build its brand. Rodenbach currently is a blend of two beers: one stronger and aged from 18 to 24 months, and the other not quite as strong and aged five to six weeks.

The aged beer, unblended, is bottled as Rodenbach Grand Cru. Clearly, the future of Rodenbach (often referred to as Rodenbach Classic in the U.S.) comes into doubt if the older portion of the blend is eliminated. Michael Jackson describes these West Flanders red ales as "the most refreshing beers in the world."

"We've been getting calls from bars across the country," Littlefield said. "It's obvious that people in the states want (the Grand Cru)." Most learned of its possible demise through the Internet. Dann Paquette, head brewer at North East Brewing Co. in Boston, began the grassroots campaign after returning from a trip to Belgium where he was told about the changes.

In little more than two weeks, his original message was forwarded thousands of times and copied into numerous newsgroups, inspiring even more messages. Some have focused on saving the beer, others on attacking Palm. Littlefield said the attacks are unfair. "There are white knights and not-so white knights and Palm is one of the good guys," she said. "Palm and Duvel have really championed the independent breweries."

The Rodenbach Brewery and its Grand Cru are both treasures. Rodenbach's maturation halls are spectacular; one holds more than 100 oak tuns. One tun dates back to 1868, many to the turn of the century and it takes four coopers to maintain them. Oak, multiple yeast strains and multiple fermentations are the keys to producing Rodenbach's unique beers.

"There isn't a brewery like it in the world," Littlefield said. "Nobody would open a brewery like it today."

Paquette agrees. He knows that if Grand Cru production were halted, it likely would not be revived and would be nearly impossible to duplicate elsewhere. "You don't just start up a new brewery like that," he said. "Once they stop doing what they are doing the way they are doing it, it's gone."

Grand Cru isn't gone yet. "It will make a difference if thousands of emails demonstrate the seriousness of people's affection for this beer," Littlefield said. Vanberg & Dewulf will collect any emails sent to its website (http://www.belgianexperts.com) and forward them.

Many may choose to contact the brewery directly at:
PR@palm-nv.be
Brouwerij Palm N.V.
P.R. Department-Peter Buelens
Steenhuffeldorp 3
B-1840 Steenhuffel
tel: 052/31.74.67
fax: 052/31.23.44

Even if you've never tasted Rodenbach's beers -- or if you have and hated them -- it is still worth taking the time to write. Have you ever looked at an old beer ad or picked up an empty bottle from a brewery long out of business and wondered what the beer tasted like? Maybe it was lousy, maybe it was great. You will never know.

We know about Rodenbach Grand Cru. Let's hope we never have to wonder in the future.

For those of you who are reading this online, I have a link to more news items. Click Here.

20. LAMBIC AND BELGIAN SOUR ALE

20A. Straight (Unblended) Lambic-Style Ale

Aroma: The aroma of these beers is a complex blend from a wide variety of microbiota, often described in the following terms: horsey, horse blanket, sweaty, oaky, hay, and sour. Other aromas that are found in small quantities are: enteric, vinegary and barnyard. Lambics can also be very fruity, and a corky or woody character may also be detected on occasion. Typically, no hop aroma or diacetyl are perceived.
Appearance: May be cloudy. Head retention is not expected to be very good. Yellow to gold color.
Flavor: Young examples are intensely sour from lactic acid and at times some acetic acid. When aged, the sourness is more in balance with the malt and wheat character. Fruit flavors are simpler in young lambics and more complex in the older examples. Some oak or wood flavor is sometimes noticeable. Hop bitterness is low to none. Hop flavor is absent. Typically, no diacetyl is perceived.
Mouthfeel: Medium to light in body. Bottled lambic ales vary from well-carbonated to not carbonated, and draft lambic is virtually flat.
Overall Impression: Complex, sour, pale, wheat-based ales fermented with a variety of microflora.
History: Uniquely sour ales from the Senne (Zenne) Valley of Belgium which stem from a farmhouse brewing tradition several centuries old.
Comments: Straight lambics have a fruity complexity and intense acidity, and very few are bottled. Blended, aged and bottle-conditioned lambics, called gueuze or geuze, tend to have a smoother palate. Lambic is spelled "lambiek" in Flemish. Ingredients: Unmalted wheat (30-40%) and aged hops are used. Traditionally, these beers are spontaneously fermented with naturally occurring yeast and bacteria in oak or in some cases chestnut barrels. Home-brewed and craft-brewed versions are more typically made with pure cultures of yeast, including Saccharomyces and Brettanomyces, along with Pediococcus and Lactobacillus bacteria, in an attempt to recreate the effects of the dominant microflora of the Senne/Zenne valley.

Commercial Examples: Very few straight (unblended) lambics are bottled. Most commonly available is Grand Cru Cantillon Bruocsella 1900. In the area around Brussels (Bruxelles), there are specialty cafes that have draught lambics from traditional brewers such as Boon, Cantillon, De Neve, Girardin, Hanssens, Vander Linden and Timmermans.

20B. Gueuze/Geuze-Style Ale

Aroma: The aroma of these beers is a complex blend of aromas from a wide variety of microbiota. These aromas include: horsey, horse blanket, sweaty, oaky, hay, and sour. Other aromas that may be found in small quantities are: enteric, vinegary, and barnyard. There can be a very fruity aroma, and some mustiness may be detected. Typically, no hop aroma or diacetyl are perceived.
Appearance: Gold to medium amber color. May be slightly cloudy. Head retention is not expected to be very good.
Flavor: Young examples are intensely sour from lactic acid and at times some acetic acid; when aged, the sourness is more in balance with the malt and wheat character. Fruit flavors from esters are simpler in young Gueuze and more complex in the older examples. A slight oak, cork or wood flavor is sometimes noticeable. Typically, no hop flavor or diacetyl are perceived.
Mouthfeel:Younger bottles (less than five years old) tend to be sparkling, but older vintages are at times less carbonated. Light to medium-light body. Avery faint astringency is often present, like wine, but no more than a well-aged red wine.
Overall Impression: Intensely refreshing, fruity, complex, sour, pale wheat-based ales fermented with a variety of microflora. History: Uniquely sour ales from the Senne (Zenne) Valley of Belgium which stem from a farmhouse brewing tradition several centuries old. Gueuze is the French spelling, while geuze is the Flemish spelling.
Comments: Gueuze/geuze is traditionally made by blending lambic that ranges in age from three years to less than one year and then bottled. Typically, gueuze/geuze has a smoother palate than straight lambic.
Ingredients: Unmalted wheat (30-40%) and aged hops are used. Traditionally, these beers are spontaneously fermented and aged with naturally occurring yeast and bacteria in oak or chestnut barrels. Home-brewed and craft-brewed versions are more typically made with pure cultures of yeast, including Saccharomyces and Brettanomyces, along with Pediococcus and Lactobacillus bacteria, in an attempt to recreate the effects of dominant microflora of the Senne/Zenne valley.

Commercial Examples: Boon, Cantillon, Hanssens, Lindeman's, Boon Mariage Parfait, Girardin, Vandervelden Oud Beersel, DeKeersmaeker.

20C. Fruit Lambic-Style Ale

Aroma: In younger vintages, the fruit with which the beer has been flavored should be the dominant aroma. In old bottles, the fruit aroma typically has faded and other aromas are more noticeable: horsey, horse blanket, sweaty, oaky, hay and sour. Other aromas that maybe found in small quantities are: enteric, vinegary and barnyard. Lambics can be very fruity from esters as well. Typically, no hop aroma or diacetyl are perceived.
Appearance: May be slightly cloudy. Head retention is not expected to be very good. The variety of fruit determines the color.
Flavor: Young examples are intensely sour from lactic acid and at times some acetic acid; when aged, the sourness is more in balance with the fruit, malt and wheat character. Fruit flavors are simpler and more one-dimensional in young lambics (the fruit added being dominant) and more complex in the older examples. A slight oak, cork or wood flavor is sometimes noticeable. Typically, no hop flavor or diacetyl are perceived.
Mouthfeel: Younger bottles (less than five years) tend to be sparkling, older vintages are sometimes less carbonated. Light to medium-light body. A very faint astringency is acceptable, like wine, but no more than a well-aged red wine.
Overall Impression: Intensely refreshing, fruit-flavored, complex, sour, pale, wheat-based ales fermented with a variety of microflora.
History: Uniquely sour ales from the Senne (Zenne) Valley of Belgium which stem from a farmhouse brewing tradition several centuries old. The addition of fruit for flavoring may be a relatively recent post-World War II innovation, however.
Comments: Commonly made by blending two- or three-year-old straight lambic with young (less than 1-year-old) straight lambic, after which fruit is added for further fermentation and aging before bottle-conditioning with very young straight lambic.
Ingredients: A blend of older and younger straight lambics is used as a base. Fruits commonly used for flavoring are cherries (Kriek) and raspberries (Framboise), although more recent commercial examples include peaches (Peche), grapes (Vigneronne or Muscat) and black currants (Cassis). Entrant must specify the type of fruit used in making the entry.

20D. Oud Bruin

Aroma: Deep complexity of fruity esters and Munich-type malt, including notes of raisins and sherry wine in well-aged examples. A slight sour aroma may be present. Hop aroma is very low to none. Diacetyl is typically medium-low to none.
Appearance: Dark reddish-brown to brown color. Good clarity. Average to good head retention.
Flavor: Malty, with fruity complexity and some caramelization character. A slight sourness may become more pronounced in well-aged examples, along with some sherry-like character, producing a "sweet-and-sour" profile. Hop flavor is low to none. Hop bitterness is restrained. Diacetyl is medium-low to none.
Mouthfeel: Medium body. Some oak character may be present but not to the point of high astringency. The astringency should be like that of a wine, but no more than a well-aged red wine.
Overall Impression: A malty, complex, aged, sour brown ale.
History: An "old ale" tradition typified by the products of the Liefman's brewery in East Flanders, which has roots dating back to the 1600’s. Historically brewed as a "provision beer" which would develop some sourness as it aged.
Comments: Long aging and blending of young and well-aged beer may occur, adding to smoothness and complexity. A deeper malt character and less of the sourness of lactic or acetic acid distinguishes these beers from Flanders red ales.
Ingredients: A blend of Vienna and Munich malts are used as the base with smaller amounts of crystal malts also used. Ale yeast, Lactobacillus and some acetobacters may all contribute to the ferment and flavor. Water high in sodium bicarbonate is typical of its home region and may buffer the acidity of darker malts and the lactic sourness. As in fruit lambics, Oud Bruin can be used as a base for fruit-flavored beers such as kriek (cherries) or frambozen (raspberries).

Commercial Examples: Liefman's Goudenband, Felix, Roman.

20E. Flanders Red Ale

Aroma: Deep complexity of fruitiness and malt. Sour or vinegary aroma may be present and there is often an oak aroma. No hop aroma. Diacetyl aroma moderately-low to none.
Appearance: Deep red to reddish-brown in color. Good clarity. Average to good head retention.
Flavor: Malty, with fruity complexity and balanced toward complex sourness/acidity. Hop flavor is low to none. Hop bitterness is restrained. Diacetyl low to none.
Mouthfeel: Medium body. Some oak character is typical but not to the point of high astringency. The astringency should be like that of wine, but no more than a well-aged red wine.
Overall Impression: A complex, sour, wine-like red ale.
History: Typified by the products of the Rodenbach brewery established in 1820 in West Flanders, but reflective of earlier brewing traditions.
Comments: Long aging and blending of young and well-aged beer may occur, adding to smoothness and complexity. More wine-like than perhaps any other beer style.
Ingredients: A blend of Vienna and Munich malts are used as the base with smaller amounts of crystal malts also used. A complex mix of ale yeast, Lactobacillus and acetobacters all contribute to the ferment and flavor.

Commercial Examples: Rodenbach and Rodenbach Grand Cru, Petrus, Bourgogne des Flandres, Vlaamse Bourgogne.

For those of you looking ahead .....

8. KÖLSCH AND ALTBIER

8A. Kölsch-Style Ale

Aroma: Light hop aroma, German noble or Czech Saaz hops, giving a light fruitiness. Maltiness none to low. No diacetyl, as this is a lagered beer resulting in a clean finish with just a hint of fruitiness from primary fermentation at ale temperatures. Low sulfur aroma, similar to that of pale continental lagers, is acceptable, particularly in a young Kölsch.
Appearance: Very pale to light gold. Very clear/brilliant. White head lingers as Belgian lace on the sides of the glass. Flavor: Soft, rounded palate; light hop fruitiness and a delicate dryness to slight sweetness in the finish. Clean fermentation with just a little residual fruitiness from ale fermentation temperatures. No diacetyl. Medium-low bitterness. Balanced toward bitterness but malt character should not be completely overshadowed.
Mouthfeel: Light side of medium body. Medium carbonation. Smooth, crisp mouthfeel.
Overall Impression: A delicately balanced beer with just a hint of flavor/aroma hops and fruitiness that finishes dry to slightly sweet with a crisply refreshing bitterness over a base of smooth, rounded Pils malt flavor.
History: As an appellation, the Kölsch name can only be used for beers brewed in Köln (Cologne), Germany, where it is a native style.
Comments: Brewed at ale temperatures, then cold conditioned to reduce fermentation byproducts.
Ingredients: European hops only. Pils malt; small amounts of wheat may be used (<25%).

Commercial Examples: Available in Köln only: Malzmuehle, Hellers, PJFrueh, Paeffgen, Sion, Kueppers. In the US: Hollywood Blonde.

8B. Düsseldorf Altbier
Aroma: Munich malt aroma, with a restrained fruitiness. Hop aroma may vary from low to moderate.
Appearance: Orange-copper to brown color, with brilliant clarity. Thick, persistent head.
Flavor: Assertively bitter, with intense Munich malt-derived flavor to support. Fruity esters should be restrained; some chocolatey notes are often present. Hop flavor should be low to medium.
Mouthfeel: Medium-bodied, with moderate carbonation. Some commercial examples have a dry finish resulting from a combination of high bitterness, higher attenuation, and moderate sulfate in the water.
Overall Impression: Bitterness is very high, especially in relation to the (moderate) gravity. Munich malt character lends balance, resulting in a bittersweet character. Very smooth from fermentation at the lower end of the temperature range for ales, followed by a period of lagering.
History/Comments: A very bitter beer with a pronounced Munich malt character. Ingredients, fermentation at low temperature (for an ale), and a lagering period combine to lend a cleaner palate than for most ales. Predates the isolation of bottom fermenting yeast strains, though it approximates many characteristics of lager beers. Many Northern German Altbiers are lagers.
Ingredients: German Munich malt is essential to obtaining the necessary depth of malt character. Hops are traditionally Spalt, though other German varieties are often used.

Commercial Examples: Zum Uerige, Zum Schluessel, Im Fuchschen, Widmer Ur-Alt, Schumacher.

8C. Northern German Altbier

Aroma: Little aroma; malt should dominate to the extent that any aroma is discernible.
Appearance: Copper to brown color; very clear. Good head retention.
Flavor: Assertively bitter yet balanced. Munich malt-derived flavor, along with a chocolate-like malt aspect, supports the bitterness. Esters are restrained, and hop flavor should be low to medium.
Mouthfeel: Medium body, with an overall balanced impression.
Overall Impression: A very clean and relatively bitter beer, balanced by Munich malt character. Less intense than the Düsseldorf version of Altbier.
Comments: Most Altbiers produced outside of Düsseldorf are of the Northern German style. Many are simply moderately bitter brown lagers.
Ingredients: Typically made with a Pils base and colored with roasted malt or some dark color syrup. May include Munich malt. Hops are traditionally Spalt, though other German varieties may be substituted.

Commercial Examples: DAB Dark, Diebels Alt, Alaskan Amber, Grolsch Autumn Amber.

Beer Events, Meetings & Competitions Gabrielle Palmer

• February 22 (T) - FORD Meeting at Sisko's in Taylor, Belgian Lambic Competition (AHA), BJCP Category #18b .
• February 26 (S) - 3rd FORD Pub Crawl - see the notice in this issue.
• March 1 (W) 5th Annual Winterfest Beer Tasting Schoolcraft College - see the article in this issue
• March 22 (W) - FORD Meeting at Sisko's in Taylor, Kölsch/Alt Competition, BJCP Categories #3d, 8 a & b.
• March 24-26(F-Su) Beer Camp - see the notice in this issue
• April 25 (T) - FORD Meeting at Sisko's in Taylor, "Weiss is Nice" Competition (AHA), BJCP Category #16 a, b, c & d .
• May 6 (S) - National Homebrew Day.
• May 24 (W) - FORD Meeting at Sisko's in Taylor, German Lager Competition, BJCP Categories #2 b, d & e and #12 a, b & c.
• June 22 thru 24 - 2000 National Homebrewers Conference in Livonia.
• June 27 (T) - FORD Meeting at Sisko's in Taylor, Porter Competition, BJCP Category #14 a & b.
• July 26 (W) - FORD Meeting at Sisko's in Taylor, Pale Ale Competition (AHA), BJCP Categories #6 a, b & c and #7.
• August 22 (T) - FORD Meeting at Sisko's in Taylor, Lawnmower Beer Competition, All light-bodied beers will be accepted.
• September 22-24 (F-Su) Beer Camp - see the notice in this issue
• September 27 (W) - FORD Meeting at Sisko's in Taylor, "Best of Fest" Oktoberfest Competition (AHA), BJCP Category #9 a & b.
• October 24 (T) - FORD Meeting at Sisko's in Taylor, Stout Competition, BJCP Categories #11 c and #15 a, b, c & d.
• November 15 (W) - FORD Meeting at Sisko's in Taylor, Historical Beers Competition (AHA).
• December 12 (T) - FORD Meeting at Sisko's in Taylor, Holiday Beers Competition, All Style Categories.

Fermental Funnies

Thoughts on Drinking
"Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut." - Ernest Hemmingway
"Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has takes out of me". - Winston Churchill
"Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time." - Catherine Zandonella
"A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her." - W. C. Fields
"Work is the curse of the drinking class." - Oscar Wilde
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." - Henny Youngman
"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly so well with pizza." - Dave Barry
"I drink to make other people interesting." - George Jean Nathan
"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on." - Dean Martin
"The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind." - Humphrey Bogart

Alcohol Warnings

Due to increasing products liability litigation, beer manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all beer containers:

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an asshole.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't remember).
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter and more handsome than some really, really big guy named FRANZ.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.

More Quotes
A man is not drunk so long as he can lie on the floor without holding on. -- Anonymous English author [ Editor's Note - Was Dean Martin English?]
Give a man a beer, waste an hour. Teach a man to brew and waste a lifetime!